Maybe you can’t forget about the past. But that doesn’t mean you ignore the future.
I want a future with him, a family with him, a life with him. I’m not ready to give up quite yet, even if that means I have to surrender the fight.
I thought he’d given up on me, so I let go. Turns out I was letting go too soon. We were focusing too much on what set us apart, and forgot about what brought us together.
He held my hand through two graduations, let me cry on his shoulder when I lost the ones I love, and stuck with me through my darkest days. He’s loved me through my worst.
He lost himself, too, and I was too blind to notice. He gave up so much just to be with me. I never saw that in him. It’s easy to point a finger when you’re unhappy. Looking inside yourself takes effort, and I didn’t want to see my own flaws.
Maybe love isn’t enough, but a steady heart and a will to fight is. Maybe people can change if they really try. Maybe I can change. I need to trust him more, give him more space to breathe. I’m bossy and demanding, and I always need to be right. That wears him down sometimes.
Somewhere along these past seven years, he became my best friend, my family, my person. That sounds nice on paper, but when things turn sour, the word family can be a curse. You don’t give up on family, no matter how screwed up they may be.
My grandmother told me five years ago that I should hold on to him as hard as I could. And I’m not giving up on him now.
This cake and icing comes from my grandmother’s vault of recipes. She called it ‘Mark’s Chocolate Cake’ because it was my uncle Mark’s favorite, and she would make it for him every year. I never got to taste Granny’s version, but my God, this cake is divine.
1 1/2 cups sugar
3/4 cup butter
2 beaten eggs
1 1/2 cups sour milk (3 teaspoons vinegar)
1 7/8 cups flour (I just used 2 cups minus three teaspoons)
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon baking soda
5 1/2 tablespoons cocoa
1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla
3/4 cup semisweet chocolate chips
2 tablespoons margarine
1 egg yolk
1 1/2 cups icing sugar
1/4 cup evaporated milk
2 tablespoons vanilla
In a small bowl, beat eggs. In a large bowl, beat sugar, butter and beaten eggs together with a mixer until smooth yet fluffy. In another bowl, combine 1 1/2 cups milk with 3 teaspoons of vinegar. Mix and let sit for 10-15 minutes. Once milk has soured, add to egg mixture and beat well.
In a medium bowl, combine flour, salt, soda and cocoa. Add to egg mixture and beat, then add vanilla and beat until combined. Pour batter into greased and floured cake pan and bake at 350 degrees Fahrenheit for 30 minutes, or until edges break away from the sides of the pan and a toothpick comes out clean when inserted in the middle.
To make icing, melt chocolate in a microwave. Stir, then combine all ingredients and beat until it reaches a spreading consistency. Apply to completely cooled cake.