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Beef Tenderloin with Raspberry Wine Sauce and Blue Cheese

beef tenderloin

Sometimes you just need to feel the weight of a rock beneath your feet, the chill of a river’s rush lapping at your toes and the calming peace of being completely alone.

It’s in those moments that you truly find yourself, ground yourself. The minute details that cloud your mind daily start to fade, and you realize that life really is just about putting one foot in front of the other, regardless of what obstructs your path.

Last week was not a good week for me – my company closed its doors, leaving myself and 60 of my colleagues and friends out of jobs. It was heartbreaking, saying goodbye to the magazine I’ve loved and cared for over the past two and a half years.

The truth is, my job had become my identity – and from it, I reaped my sense of worth. I came to respect myself and know myself as the associate editor of Clean Eating Magazine, rather than the person I’ve been all along.

So last week, when for the first time in – well, forever – that I woke up without a plan, a schedule of events or miles-long to-do list, I was lost. I floundered, cleaned the heck out of my apartment and spent a lot of quality time catching up on my Facebook feed. I got angry and sad and frustrated. I cried and ate far too many granola bars. I mourned.

But this week is about letting go. I’m spending time by the river, dipping my toes in the stream. I’m picking strawberries with friends and testing out the recipes I’ve been dreaming of but never had time to actually make. I’m just being with myself, learning about myself and appreciating who I am and all that I have.

I’m grateful for my time with Clean Eating – the friends I’ve made, the lessons I’ve learned and the skills I’ve developed. When I moved to Toronto to take this job, my team in many ways became my family, and the doors of Robert Kennedy Publishing became a sanctuary from the homesickness and loneliness that accompanied leaving my friends and family behind.

And while I’m sad to see this chapter of my life close, I’m finally ready to look forward, to embrace this next challenge and spend a little more time with my toes in the water, learning about myself.

skillet

Beef Tenderloin with Raspberry Wine Sauce and Blue Cheese
Serves 4.

INGREDIENTS
:
1 tbsp butter
1 shallot, minced
1 1/2 cups red wine
1 cup beef broth
1 1/2 tbsp balsamic vinegar
1/2 tsp each sea salt and fresh ground black pepper, plus additional to taste
1 tbsp olive oil
4 beef tenderloin medallions (5 to 7 ounces each)
1/4 cup crumbled blue cheese
1 cup fresh raspberries

INSTRUCTIONS:

1. In a medium or large skillet, melt butter on medium heat. Add shallot and sauté, stirring often, until beginning to brown. Add wine, broth and vinegar. Bring to a boil, reduce heat to a simmer and cook until liquid reduces by two-thirds, 25 to 30 minutes.

2. Season beef with salt and pepper. In a separate large skillet, heat oil on medium-high. Add beef, leaving at least 1 inch between each medallion, and cook, turning once, until reached desired doneness. Remove from skillet and tent with foil. Let rest for 5 minutes.

3. Season wine mixture with salt and pepper. Stir in raspberries and simmer, stirring occasionally, until berries begin to break down.

4. Divide beef among serving plates and top with wine mixture and blue cheese.

Enjoy!

1

Orange Cranberry Bread

I’m easily overwhelmed.

I don’t always hold up under pressure.

I only assert myself when pushed, and even then, it’s not nearly enough.

And I have this nasty habit of not believing in myself.

That’s all to say that I really don’t have what it takes to be a good chef.

At least that’s what I kept telling myself as I rushed back and forth between my stovetop and workstation at school the other night, all under the critical eye of the chef who would eventually be judging my performance on a scale of one to 100.

“It’ll be fun,” I kept telling friends and family about my starting chef school this fall.

Fun isn’t exactly the word I’d use to describe that first night. Terrifying is a bit more apt.

I was yelled at for using the wrong sink. I chopped too much onion and not enough leek. I spilled water on the gas burner and burned my finger on the oven rack. I stuttered when talking to the chef. And I got a $40 parking ticket at the end of it.

I couldn’t sleep later that night – just kept tossing and turning as I ran though every single screw-up, obsessing over how I could have done things better or whether or not the chef thinks I’m just another spastic 20-something going to chef school to “discover herself.”

It wasn’t a total flop, though. I made my chicken stock, then my soup, cleaned up my station and went home at the end of it. I learned what sink to use and where not to park. I learned that yelling “hot behind” when you’re carrying a hot pot isn’t nearly as embarrassing as it sounds, and that as much as I may want to pack it up and go home halfway through, I can stick it out and do just fine.

This experience is testing me, and will continue to test me over the next two years. It’s exposing my weaknesses, questioning my talents and thrusting me out of my comfort zone, into a competitive arena of people who are faster and better than me.

I’m not okay with it, but I’m going to have to adapt. I’ll always be the person who falls behind for stopping to help another student out, and I’ll probably never achieve the perfect brunoise. But I will learn to trust myself, and to keep my cool under pressure.

And at the very least, I’ll learn to cook with confidence.

Here’s one of my grandmother’s recipes that I’ve adapted, inspired by this amazing orange cranberry scone I had when I was in Ottawa last month with my mom and dad. And if you’d like to check out another of my grandmother’s recipes, check out my most recent post on Clean Eating magazine’s new blog!

Orange Cranberry Bread

My grandmother’s original recipe called for raisins instead of cranberries, so feel free to experiment with a variety of dried fruit, or try swapping out the orange for a large lemon.

INGREDIENTS:

1 medium orange, zested and juiced
1 cup dried cranberries
2 tbsp unsalted butter, room temperature
1 cup white sugar
1 egg, room temperature
1 tsp pure vanilla extract
2 cups white all-purpose flour, scooped and leveled
1 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp sea salt

INSTRUCTIONS:

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit. Grease a loaf pan and dust with flour.

2. In a 1-cup measure, add orange zest and juice. Add enough boiling water to fill cup. Transfer to a small bowl and add cranberries.

3. In a medium bowl, cream butter and sugar. Stir in egg and vanilla.

4. In a separate bowl, whisk flour, baking powder and salt. Add to butter mixture and stir until just combined; do not over-mix. Fold in orange-cranberry mixture.

5. Transfer to prepared loaf pan, smoothing top with back of spoon. Bake in centre of oven for 1 hour, until a toothpick comes out clean when inserted in centre.

Enjoy!